Back on the Band wagon

What an interesting last few months this has been for me. I last left off with goal making and how to accomplish your long term by making a few short term.

That being said. A few more short term goals hit me in the process of completing my long term of the Vegas comp in November.

1. Breathe
2. Change ways of thinking
3. Talk

I was hit with Post Pardum Depression about mid June 2012. The feelings and thoughts I had were enough to knock my on my butt and destroy all short term goals I had at the moment. I don't believe in taking medications unless absolutely necessary. I still had the thoughts that if I could get through such a dark time that I would come out better for it if I could learn how to conquer myself without assistance from drugs. So first I learned how to breathe. Sounds easy right? It's something you do your entire life. Well when you are in this way of thinking (PPD) if feels as though you have all the weight of the world crushing your chest and suffocating you.

So I learned how to take long, slow, and deep breathes concentrating more on this than what was keeping my breathes shallow and short.

My way of thinking was nothing short of crazy and irrational. Thoughts of hurting myself and my baby constantly entered my mind until it came to the point of it was either him or me. I had to release this feeling somehow so I chose me and scratched in just enough to bleed. The burning sensation immediately calmed the crazy and I felt it was safe to care for my baby.

After I had gotten to this point it was obvious I needed help. I posted my concerns on FB and many of my good friends and family gave me tips on what to do. I never saw a professional for my needs but I did download Brooke Shields book through my itouch. This helped a lot knowing I wasn't the only completely crazy person out there.

I spilled my every thoughts to my husband who is completely against calling it Post Pardum Depression because it was a way of thinking. If I rationalized my thought pattern and found a way to force a change in the way I was thinking that it would become easier for me to bring myself from this dark place. He has had to deal with so many similar situations and has fought his way into being a strong and amazing person because of it.

So I changed my way of thinking. Every time I had those feelings of short breath and violence I changed my breathing and thought about everything I have going for me.

An incredible family most people with kill to have
A husband everyone searches for but never finds
Endless support from so many people that love me
2 Healthy children. Sure they cry but what kid doesn't. If I can't deal with crying how could I deal with a child with Down's or some other life altering syndrome.
A business to release all of my stress and to refresh
A home and everything I ask for

This is just to name a few. If it came down to it and I had to list everyone in my mind that loves and cares for me. By the time I was 1/4 of the way through I would start to think positively.

Talking to people about these feelings was extremely difficult but I felt that as I expressed them outloud I was able to rationalize and see how crazy I was.

I am feeling completely back to normal now and I am ready to get back on the band wagon with all the other goals I had. Even though I was not working out as hard as I would have liked and my eating went to crap because comfort food or no food was the only thing I had in mind I still did what I could. Just by doing that I have now gotten back to the point of working out hard and loving it and craving all healthy food again.

I'm back baby and only 12 weeks to go until the comp.:D